


Tree Bad, Fire Pretty

by beer_good



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Canadian stereotypes, Christmas, Christmas Tree, Gen, Holidays, Mythology References, Season/Series 02, Sunnydale (BtVS), Zombie Christmas Trees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21878662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beer_good/pseuds/beer_good
Summary: Buffy helps Giles decorate the tree. Also, Buffy has to fight evil zombie Christmas trees. (Also, sellinganythingin Sunnydale, especially in connection with big events,  is really asking for trouble, but somebody's got to supply the holiday paraphernalia...)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Tree Bad, Fire Pretty

OK, so here's this year's [holiday fic](https://beer-good-foamy.dreamwidth.org/tag/christmas)! A bit longer than [last year's](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083244), and also less rhyming, but it has hockey references and zombie Christmas trees.

Happy whatever, everyone!

**Title:** Tree Bad, Fire Pretty  
 **Author:** Beer Good   
**Fandom:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer, circa mid-season 2  
 **Characters/Pairing:** Buffy, Giles, OC  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Word count:** 1475  
 **Summary:** Buffy helps Giles decorate the tree. Also, Buffy has to fight evil zombie Christmas trees. (Also, selling _anything_ in Sunnydale, especially in connection with big events, is really asking for trouble, but somebody's got to supply the holiday paraphernalia...)

**Tree Bad, Fire Pretty**

Nathan took off his tuque and wiped the sweat off his brow. Selling Christmas trees in Southern California would have been a lot easier in t-shirt and jeans, but apparently people wanted an _authentic ambience_ if they were going to spend money on Genuine Canadian Spruce. So here he was in a winter jacket, maple-leaf hat and mittens, dragging seven-foot trees and chainsaws around in weather that could have passed for summer up in Saskatchewan. That's what you get for setting up a business in a town where an art gallery focussing on Central American fertility goddesses could survive on Main Street, he supposed. (Come to think of it, this plot had been very cheap.)

As the sun started to set, the steady stream of customers slowed down a lot. He figured he could stay open another hour or so. At least -

Huh. That was a weird noise coming from that bundle of trees over in the corner. Probably just kids messing around, eh. Better check it out.

* * *

"In every generation, there is a Chosen One," Buffy muttered as she jumped up to reach the highest shelf in the book cage. "She alone will stand against the dust bunnies, the bookworms, and the decimals of Dewey. She is..." She jumped up again. "...Buffy the library assistant." Finally reaching the box, she carried it out into the library. "Giles, I got the box. Now what's in this that was so impoh you have _got_ to be kidding me."

Giles stood there with a satisfied grin on his face, holding up a large Christmas tree. "And happy holidays to you too. The Christmas tree stand should be in the box."

Buffy opened the box, which she now saw was labelled _Ornaments_ in Giles' careful handwriting. The stand was on top, with several boxes of neatly ordered baubles, stars, tinsel, lights and other ornaments underneath. "How come they let you put a Christmas tree in the school library anyway? Separation of church and state and all that?"

"Quite right." Giles fixed the tree to the stand and took a step back to check that it was standing straight. "But I have several books and a prepared lecture on the pagan and bourgeois roots of Christmas trees if Snyder should happen to venture into the library. For instance, did you know that the red baubles originally represented the exsanguinated sacrifices hung in trees for the midwinter feast of Norse and Germanic pagans? Besides," he added, "when it comes to slaying the undead, you need to master different techniques. Now, if you'll hand me the tinsel…"

Buffy was halfway into the box before she looked up at him. "Wait, you're telling me Christmas trees are _undead_?"

"Of course. Well, technically pretty much all cut plants are, but trees are generally able to do more damage than tulips. You cut them from their roots and force them to live on in suspended animation until they're thrown out, that doesn't necessarily foster understanding between species."

"So… you're going to show me how to slay Christmas trees?"

* * *

"Hey! You kids get out of there!" Nathan swept aside the branches and looked inside the small cavern formed by the largest trees leaning together. Huh. Nobody there. He could have sworn he heard… He ducked inside, but his foot caught on a branch and THUD

He came to a few seconds later, shaking his head to clear it of… no, that wasn't just confusion, something was really brushing his head. Tree branches, slowly enveloping him. He tried to shrug them off and get to his feet, but one tree slowly toppled onto him and trapped him against the trunk of the biggest one. The needles stung his face, and by the time he realised he probably ought to scream his mouth was glued shut with resin. He struggled in vain; the trees were slow but strong, and wrapped themselves around every part of him.

He felt the branches pull him upwards, dragging him off his feet. Another branch was slowly sneaking its way inside his jacket (curse this warm weather that made him unzip!) and started slowly wrapping its sharp twigs around his neck. He felt a prickle of blood run down his neck as he ran out of air.

* * *

"Well, not 'slay' as such, sorry, except as a last resort. It's much better to appease them. Now - "

"Giles, my job title says 'Vampire Slayer'. Not 'motivational tree speaker'."

" - fortunately trees are not very bright and quite vain. Hence the ornaments." He kept expositioning as he decorated the tree. "Red baubles to remind them of the good old days when they were worshipped, a star or angel on top to make them think they reach the heavens, lights to remind them that we have fire if they step out of line, gifts underneath to make them feel magnanimous, and tinsel to... well, they just think it's pretty."

Buffy shook her head. "So you're saying that the more ornaments you put on a tree - "

"Absolutely not. Like I said, they're vain and stupid. Put too much on and they'll get arrogant. You don't want that, especially not on a Hellmouth. Could you give me a boost? Thank you." Buffy held out one hand and easily supported Giles' weight as he put the star on top of the tastefully decorated tree. He jumped down and plugged in the power for the lights. "There. This tree is now officially jolly."

Buffy still wasn't sure what to believe. "So if Christmas trees can kill people, why would anyone think they're a good idea in the first place?"

"Well, the reintroduction of Christmas trees in 19th century Germany did coincide with the rise of Prussian militarism. That aside, though... " He cocked his head, smiled, and put his arm around Buffy's shoulders. They both stood there, taking in the warm light and fresh woodsy smell. "When content, they spread a remarkably… well, merry energy. As if having been fooled that they're alright, they spread that feeling to us. Whatever the roots - sorry - of the tradition, that shouldn't stop us from enjoying it."

Buffy couldn't really disagree with that. The library did feel remarkably cozy all of a sudden. Then a thought struck her. "So what about that guy downtown selling them?"

Giles glanced out the window. "Oh, right. I suppose it is getting dark."

* * *

The world was just starting to fade to black in front of Nathan's eyes when the blonde girl appeared from among the trees and saved his life.

He'd never seen anything like it. She moved like Mario Lemieux. Deking a low-hanging branch, blasting one tree with fake snow which somehow made it settle down, lassoing another with tinsel, tackling a third and leaving it writhing on the ground under some red ribbons.

Soon it was just the big tree left, but it still refused to let him go. The girl seemed unsure of which part of it to address, but eventually focussed her steely eyes on a cluster of pine cones just to his left. "OK, big guy. It doesn't have to end like this. Just let him go, I'll get you some nice tinsel, and you can spend Christmas in somebody's warm living room."

But the tree wasn't having it; it pulled Nathan higher up and continued to saw away at his neck. He whimpered through the resin that kept his mouth shut.

"Fine," the girl said. "Have it your way." She picked up the small axe Nathan used for trimming and hurled it just past his ear, severing the branch. The second he was loose, she produced a can of air freshener ("Pine fresh!") and a lighter, and the tree went up in flame; somehow he almost heard it scream.

"Huh. I guess fir really is murder. You OK?" The girl sat down beside him and helped him untangle the last of the dying branches. And somehow they didn't feel like getting up again; they just sat there in silence, basking in the warmth of the fire as the evil Christmas tree burned down to a cinder with a cosy crackle while the stars twinkled overhead. Tomorrow would be another stressful day with sales and vampires respectively, but at least right now they got to enjoy some peace and quiet over the smoldering remains of their enemy.

The next morning, Nathan made sure he gave each tree a coating of fake snow and a few strands of tinsel. Some of his customers grumbled about it not being _authentic_ enough, but when a large Canadian with a bruised jaw and an axe in his hand looks you in the eye with a smile and very emphatically wishes you a peaceful holiday, you don't grumble _too_ loud. And the trees they bought seemed to spread even more cheer than usual this year, almost as if they tried extra hard to be good.


End file.
